


Heal Me, and I'll Heal you

by mimiwrites2000



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AruAni, Chapter 132 spoilers, Crystallized Annie Leonhart, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Hitch is always teasing Armin, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Mikasa wants Armin to be happy, Romance, Training Days, that's the theme of the story, the ring theory, they are healing each other, well isn't that all of us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29548974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimiwrites2000/pseuds/mimiwrites2000
Summary: Annie decided that she had enough of fightingAnd as she waits on the ship, watching the ocean, she visits memories from years ago, up until the night before, when she saw him for the last time.He waved at her, with a shiny, silver ring around his finger.They were separated with an unspoken promise, and healing woundsA fanfic about Annie giving Armin her ring, and all the events leading up to it~*Chapter 131 and up spoilers
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager
Comments: 39
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this! I wrote it for comfort and it took me many weeks to finish it!  
> I just wanted to thank three amazing people who have been a great help in making this story: Elena, Prisi, and Ksgrip, you guys have no idea how much you helped me in writing this, whether it was editing or giving me ideas, you guys have been great, thank yooouuuu

The ocean was a deep blue, so deep, charading itself into a bottomless, enormous lake. The sky reflected the ocean, but its color was a soft, light blue, the clouds scattered over it, slowly drifting with the breeze.

It was peaceful.

Too peaceful.

And Annie might go insane at any moment at how serene her life is at the moment, as if she is on some sort of a vacation, while the rest of the world is being flattened underneath colossal, mindless monsters.

She bites her lip and digs her feet deeper into the solid, wooden floor of the boat, as she leans against the railing, taking deep breaths, letting her thoughts drift with every exhale, only for new ones to occupy her mind.

Annie has left her crystal for only a few days, and she thought if she should’ve crystallized herself back into that cold prison, or if she shouldn’t have imprisoned herself in the first place.

Or maybe she should’ve betrayed the whole mission from the beginning, and went back to her father and tried to have a normal life…

Huh…

A normal life…

What a foreign concept.

Even after all of this is over, even after she somehow finds a place to live the rest of her life in peace, how would that even be close to normal? Can she even live along with everything that happened to her through her life? And all the atrocities that she commited?

Why couldn’t she have been born into a small, normal family, and lived her life like any other normal girl? Is that too much to ask for?

Out of the millions who live on this earth, she had to be one of those cursed nine with these powers, with these lives, and she couldn’t decide whether that was a good or a bad thing.

Annie sighed and threw her head back, watching the blue sky, birds soaring up with no care whatsoever, and she thought of _ him. _

It’s not like he left her mind at all… for the past four years. He was dumb for someone as smart as he is, dumb for visiting her in that basement, and he not only sat there and stared, he talked,  _ loudly  _ talked, what was he expecting? A heap of see-through-rock to speak back to him? Or for Annie to break out of it?

And she could make fun of him for the rest of her life; tell him how dumb he was, how ruthless and pathetic it was of him to waste his time on her, time many other cheerful girls would’ve fought for.

He was an idiot.

But she is glad that he was stupid enough to visit her, and to vocalize his thoughts out loud for her, and she is thankful, and will always be, because she can’t imagine how it would’ve been if he didn’t… how lonely she would’ve felt…

She watched her hands that clutched the railing in a death-grip, her knuckles turning white, she glanced at her finger, the metallic-silver ring no longer wrapped around it.

She ran her hand over where her ring used to be, and thought of where it is right now, and if the one who has is still alive… 

A bucket of cold shivers run down her spine, instinctively she hugs herself, and she can’t help but remember the coldness from being inside the crystal, the sense of being conscious but frozen in place, unaware of time… 

Annie closed her eyes and remembered that one time Armin visited her…

As usual, Hitch threw a few snarky comments at him as she led him for the uncountable time to that dim-lit basement. He tried to ignore her and not get flustered. Armin questioned if her daily goal was to make him an incoherent mess. She enjoyed making him flush and stutter, and she never grew bored of it.

She closed the door behind him after she told him that she’ll join him in a bit, Armin almost told her to take her time but stopped at the last moment, knowing that would be like offering her a golden opportunity to tease him even more than she already did.

Once again, Armin was alone with her, the basement was silent except for the crackles of the torches which cascaded dancing beams of light against the walls, making the crystal shimmer and reflect the light on the ceiling in spontaneous waves of cracked gleams. He walked around the crystal, watching the floating, frozen girl inside, desperately looking for any change, a crack, a dent, a change in her posture, anything… but nothing.

She was encapsulated in her crystal just like the very first day they brought her down there.

He looked at her face, scrutinizing her features; she was pretty,  _ so _ pretty. Armin didn’t know why he hadn’t realized how pretty she was before; maybe it was the hair floating around her face, or maybe because her face was relaxed, no wrinkles between her eyebrows in her usual, passive face.

Or maybe he always thought she was this pretty, but never got to admit it to himself.

He wished she would open her eyes.

Just a small flutter of her eyelids; he was itching to see her eyes, and he wanted to make sure they were as blue as he remembered, he wanted to look into her eyes and for once, regard her as he finally was aware of her side of the story, of her motives, her reasons, and he understood, he really did, and was aching to tell her that...

For once, he wanted to talk to her, just a normal conversation.

Now that he has Bert’s memories, Armin knew all the details of how her life was, and thanks to Bert’s lingering gazes on Annie, Armin felt as if he  _ did _ talk to her. And the sensation was almost too real.

And even though all the conversations in this basement were one-sided, somehow Armin felt as if they were equally developing a deeper understanding for each other…

Armin would tell her about his life starting from childhood, up until wall Maria was breached and all the following events. The more he talked about his life, the more memories he saw from Bert, the more he knew about Annie.

He sat on the floor a few feet away from the crystal, he had so much to say, so much to ask, so much to know.

The first few seconds he sits in front of her are almost always awkward, he would feel uncomfortable , sometimes anxious, but for what reason, he didn’t know.

So he would start talking about how his day went; the training was a bit harsh with captain Levi, Eren was getting more control over his powers, they were making progress developing this island, and how the technology of the outside world was sometimes overwhelming for him.

Then he would get to the deeper topics, sometimes he would say things that he wouldn’t dare say outside that basement, sometimes he would just rant and rant and rant about how everything was overwhelming and how life was more fucked up than he could ever imagine.

But on that day, he had nothing on his mind…

He didn’t know where to start ….

So he talked about a day from their past, a day that wasn’t from long ago… but it felt like ages ago.

“Annie… do you remember… that time… when you got injured in training and I found you…?”

As the blonde spoke, his voice barely got through the crystal, and it was far, distant, unreachable, but she still listened, and remembered...

It was a cold autumn afternoon, the 104 th first year training, in the forest, experimenting with their ODM gear.

Annie can’t remember how or when… but all she knew is that she was falling.

Luckily, she shot her wire to a close branch, but the halt was so sudden, it jerked her torso forward…

Hitting her leg

Annie landed harshly on the ground, and she fell onto her hands, the dirt was needles digging into her palms, as a sharp pain shot up her right leg, 

_ It’s not a broken leg… _

Annie knew the feeling of broken bones too well, she got her bones crushed many times before, and she was sure that this wasn’t one. A warm moisture spread on her legs from right under her knee tracing down to her ankle. With her eyes closed she stretched her hand and felt the torn fabric, tried to trace the wound but flinched at the touch. It stung,  _ so bad. _ She hissed, even though she would heal in no time, it still hurt. With the least fraction to the laceration, she dragged herself to the closest tree, and leaned against it.

She was panting, and she hated how such a non-peril gash made her feel, she must’ve gotten used to minor injuries since she arrived on this island and started the mission; her body forgot what it was like to bleed through sweat and keep going.

She scoped around the area, searching if there was anyone who might catch her healing inhumanly fast; she didn't want to go through explaining why steam was emitting from her wound.

Annie was almost sure no one was around, but right before she healed herself, she heard the rustling of leaves from nearby.

She tried to shrink on herself and make herself as invisible as possible, but it was too late.

A blonde boy landed on staggering feet in front of her, his eyes immediately looking at Annie’s wound.

“Annie! Are you ok?” he rushed to her, squatting in front of her, “I-I mean obviously you’re not, we noticed that you weren’t following so I uh yeah I looked for you and-”

Annie closed her eyes and held in a sigh, she didn’t have time for this, she  _ really  _ didn’t have time for this.

“Is it too bad?” He asked.

She wanted to shove him away, to make him leave her alone, to stand up and act like it didn’t hurt at all. So she tried to get up, and pain thundered from the laceration up her spine, she plummeted back on the ground, an involuntary groan left her mouth.

“Hey hey hey!”

In a second, he was right beside her, telling her to not move an inch, she speculated him with half lidded eyes; barely opening them, the pain pulsating in her skull, rummaging and threatening to crack the thick bone open.

However, she attempted to move again, but she was shoved into the tree trunk behind her,  _ gently  _ shoved. She looked at him, he had both his hands on her shoulders, lightly, and as if he had a magical spell casted over her, she stopped moving, looking in his eyes, and through the pain, she thought they were beautiful.

When he was sure that she wouldn't move, he retreated his hand and searched in a small bag he had around his waist.

She watched his movements and hated how the pain only burgeoned, and how she couldn’t tell him to stop whatever he's doing, she watched as he bent down to her leg, checking her wound, his face scrunching before he looked up at her and said: “It’s not looking… the best.”

She nods, indicating she figured out that much, but she found herself too weak to make any sound, or maybe she just didn’t feel like speaking…

From the same bag he was searching in a few moments ago, he produced a small pocket knife.

Annie’s eyes widened and this time she found her voice: “What are you trying to do?” her voice wasn’t as stoic as usual, and she found it ridiculous that a mere knife intimidated her.

“N-nothing! I wanted to ask first, I swear! I-I think I have to cut off your pants, only from the knee down!” He was panicking, and Annie wondered if she scared him that much or if he was a coward himself.

“Well it’s not like these pants are useful any longer,” she eyed them; shredded and splattered with red, spreading more into the stretchy, practical fabric, the edges implacably turning into brown.

“Y-yeah I guess so,” he let out a small laugh, and Annie studied his features; he looked younger than his peers, and noticeably shorter, she opened her mouth to throw a comment on that, but then she noticed his hands.

They were shaking, the knife trembling, cramped in his sweaty palm.

A sudden and unfamiliar urge wanted to make him at ease, but at that time, she didn’t understand why.

So she leaned forward and told him: “You know I can do this myself.”

“I-I know, I just want to help.”

Annie looked into his eyes that were frantically looking everywhere except her, before she leaned back on the ragged tree trunk and stretched her leg, gesturing with her hand for him to start.

He swallowed and shifted closer to her, holding the knife up, then he observed the destroyed fabric, and Annie could almost see the lines and dots he was drawing with his eyes, as if he was mapping out a whole plan on how to cut this mere fabric.

Annie wanted to snap, to tell him to get on with it, and that they didn’t have enough time to idle, instead, she found herself checking how the space between his eyebrows were wrinkled, and how his eyes were determined to get this job done, and even though this task would’ve taken someone else only a few seconds, he took his time analyzing and garnering whatever was need to cut the fabric.

He brought the knife to the torn part, and then titled it at an angle, before he slowly started cutting, at certain points, he would change the angle, sometimes he would cut with the tip of the knife while other times he would use the whole shaft.

Soon enough, from knee down, the fabric was gone, the splitting line cut so precisely, no one would’ve thought it was cut by someone with no tailoring experience.

“This fabric,” he started talking, as he fished for more tools from the small bag, “was weaved in a way to make it stretchy, but at the same time it holds its shape, and it’s just about how threads are arranged into tissue. It was specifically made to not be torn but if it was cut on a certain line, you could cut it easily. you must’ve hit a branch hard when you fell.”

Armin looked at Annie, she had a prosaic look on her face, he sheepishly giggled and apologized for explaining unnecessary stuff, but she cut him off: “We didn’t learn anything about this in class, who told you?”

He was shocked for a second, his mind stuttered, before he averted his eyes and said: “My grandfather used to sew us our own clothes.”

Annie didn’t inquire about it.

Armin opened a small vial of a clear liquid, he told her that it was a sanitizer and that it might sting a bit, she nodded, and he poured the liquid on her gash.

She lurched forward, hissing in pain; it stung and burned and she was looking for water to put out the fire roaring in her leg, but again, she was gently pushed back. She saw stars while he mumbled apologies and that this was an important step to avoid infections.

“Infections are nasty, you don’t want to try them,” he said in a somewhat comforting voice, as he started dabbing something on her leg; her skin was numb.

Annie rested her head on the tree trunk, deciding she no longer wanted to see what he was doing or if it was right. The pain in her leg ceased, leaving a numb-soreness behind, the adrenaline slowly leaving her veins, and her eyelids were growing heavy as delicate hands were wrapping something around her leg, meekly lifting her leg up at some points.

“You can sleep for a bit, it’s fine, we have time,” Armin said, and Annie flattered her eyes open, only to see that he was carefully watching her face, his hand on her wrapped, recently-aided leg.

She shook her head and told him that it was fine, that she was awake enough to walk, however, he insisted that they stay there for a few more minutes so she could gather enough strength.

Annie was sure he was fully aware that she had enough stamina to fight a titan, and something nagged at her mind that he had  _ another  _ reason why he was insisting to stay there for some time.

Exhaustion got the best of her and she decided to close her eyes for some time, it wouldn’t hurt anyone, besides, she ranked among the elite in this class, so even if they were late, they had an adequate excuse and probably wouldn’t be punished.

“Um…” Armin cleared his throat, and Annie peaked at him through a small crack, sleep was taking over her, but for some reason she didn’t want to fight it, “your fighting technique is… different.”

Annie raised an eyebrow.

“I mean,” he continued, “I don’t think it's taught anywhere inside the walls, and I was wondering if you were the one who… came up with it…”

Annie was silent for a while, remembering all the training she went through when she was only nine, only to come to the island for even more training,  _ unnecessary  _ training, and she flipped what Armin said in her mind, how could she invent a whole fighting style? Would she even want to do that?

“My father taught me,” was her only concise answer.

Armin nodded, running his hand up and down the bandages he wrapped around her leg, now stained with a few spread-out, smudged red dots, before he stood up and told her that he will go check a nearby running water.

Annie watched him as he walked away. She had many thoughts running through her head; why did she accept his unnecessary help and why didn't she shove him away? She conceded that she pitied him and his weak figure, remembering his poor performance in hand to hand combat…

But she also remembered his hand shooting up at every single question about anything in theory class.

Her eyelids slowly closed, a blond boy at the front of her mind.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, but when she opened her eyes, the sun wasn’t as harsh any longer, the light was soft and the air was chilly, she turned her head and the same boy she slept thinking of was sitting beside her leg.

He was hugging his knees and resting his head on them, his back rising and falling slowly,  _ did he fall asleep? _

She speculated him, his sleepy face peaceful, and she wondered how a guy like him ended up in military training. Annie glanced at her leg, and the bandages were drenched in blood.

Losing blood wasn’t a problem, the whole injury wasn’t a problem either, but she couldn’t just heal it off after this Brainiac saw how severe it was; he wouldn’t leave her alone and she would have to either kill him or bang his head hard enough on a wall to cause him memory loss.

She noticed the water skin and the bag beside him, she slowly reached out for the water skin and gulped down a few chugs, making sure to keep half of it for him, eyeballing her wound, she decided to not waste time and replace her bandages, so she reached for the bag again, moving her leg-

A sharp pain pierced through it, Annie involuntary hissed, and that small sound woke him up.

Woke him up  _ startled. _

“It’s fine I was just trying to-” Annie tried to explain, however, he only looked at her, his confused, scared expression melting into a soft one, he smiled, his chest rapidly moving up and down, he shook his head and chuckled.

“I always wake up startled, it’s not your fault, that’s my default reaction, I guess… and yeah I do give the other guys in the dorm a nightmare every morning.” He sheepishly scratched his neck and averted his eyes, landing them on her leg; his shoulders slumped and he immediately produced what was left of the bandages, “I thought the bleeding stopped, I’m sorry, I must’ve done something wrong.”

She wanted to tell him that it was fine, that they can walk back to the camp and get actual medical care. He studied her face for a moment, and his eyebrows rose up his forehead as if he heard her thoughts out loud, before he said: “Alright, just let me change the bandages one last time.”

That  _ one last time  _ made the wheels in Annie’s head whirl endlessly.

As he took off the old bandages and started applying the new ones, it dawned on Annie that she didn’t get to thank him, but he was being too nice that she thought maybe he wasn’t even waiting for a  _ thank you for saving my life  _ cliché scenario.

She still wanted to show him her thanks, so, she mumbled: “Uh… you didn’t have to do this, really.”

He smiled but didn’t lift his head up from his busy hands: “Well it’s not like I could just leave you here, could I?”

“But you risked failing at this training,” that was true, he might fail, but at the same time, he could’ve simply acted like he didn’t find her in the first place and went on with the training, or maybe joining the Military Police wasn’t what he was aiming for. Grades weren’t a pain for him.

“Annie…” he caught her attention, and she looked at him, his eyes still focused on wrapping the pure-white bandage over her red wound, which looked better than a few hours ago, “sometimes… we like being taken care of.”

Annie observed his delicate fingers tugging and wrapping the bandages, she didn’t reply to his statement and perhaps he deemed that as an invitation to keep going.

“Well, who am I to say? Eren and Mikasa take care of me all the time,” he smiled, and she wondered if he smiled because he liked being taken care of or at the reminder of his childhood friends, “it does get annoying sometimes… but I know that they do that because they care…”

“They do,” Annie said, but she didn’t intend to say that, it just slipped off her tongue.

“Indeed, and…” he tilted his head up, and looked straight into her eyes, “sometimes we should let others heal us, sometimes… we want them to.”

Annie watched his eyes, and she found herself unable to turn away from them; a glint adorning the blue spheres. They felt familiar, as if she knew them for so long…

An ocean.

Annie’s eyes widened at her own realization; his eyes reminded her of the ocean.

But the ocean in his eyes wasn’t cold, it radiated warmth. An ocean that she wanted to dive deep into, get lost within.

Then he averted his eyes, and she was anchored back to reality. A tingle of fuzziness crawling over her skin, and she wasn’t sure if her titan’s powers could take them away.

Maybe that’s just a normal charm that blue eyes have, some sort of a spell sprouts from them and bewitches the spectator… but she had blue eyes herself, and she never got the feeling that anyone lost themselves in them, if anything, it made them turn away.

They didn’t talk after that. Armin helped Annie to her feet, and they merely walked side by side, slowly, with him glancing with concern at her leg, and her looking straight forward, eyes fixated on the path, until the sun went behind the mountains and they got to the camp.

The moment they showed up, Mikasa and Eren made their way to Armin, worried expressions on their faces. Annie started to walk away, but Armin whispered her name one more time, before he mouthed something to her.

That night, Annie slept, bundled in her sleeping bag, her thoughts overlapping, and a few words on repeat confided in her mind.

_ Thanks for letting me heal you. _

Annie would never forget about that day.

Neither would Armin, so he sat there, on the cold basement floor, after narrating his anecdote of that day.

“We passed that training…” he said, a smile stretched on his face when he remembered how Mikasa threatened to kill Annie if she hurt Armin in any way, but he only laughed and tried to calm her down; not really sure if she was serious or just joking.

“I sometimes wonder…” he fidgeted in his place, “how you tolerated me…”

A beat of silence.

“You know… you could’ve healed yourself in a minute or two… you must’ve cursed me when you saw me,” he chuckled, though it sounded dry as it echoed against the cold walls.

“But… I’m glad that you let me help you… I just think that… sometimes we really should let others in, to show them our scars, our fears…” his voice was shrinking on itself with every word, “it might lessen the burden each one of us has, but maybe we just don’t want to bother anyone with it…

“Or maybe… we’re just scared… because letting someone in… doesn’t it mean showing them a side of you that no one else saw?” his eyes fluttered to the torches, before they turned back at Annie, “it’s… brave.”

He nodded to himself.

“It’s so brave to show that side of you to others…” he thought of how he was doing the exact same thing by talking about all of this to Annie, but he shook his head, dismissing the idea. With an inhale that inflated his chest, he continued: “and… I thought I could actually be open to people… Eren, Mikasa, Jean… but… no matter what I say, or what I do, I just feel like there’s a translucent barrier between us,” his flattened palm gestured up and down in front of his face, mimicking a barrier, “and I don’t know if I have that bond with them anymore…”

At that point, Armin was no longer sure if he was talking to Annie or if he was talking to himself.

His voice faded into a whisper, until it dissolved with the fire crackle. His throat tightened on his vocal cords, and he thought it might rupture if he tried to make any sound. The basement around him was blurry, and the edges of his eyes burned.

He sniffled and shook his head, not comprehending why he was getting emotional, he looked up at Annie; she was still suspended midair in that crystal, her face unchanging, her hair fanning around her head, the light beams from the torches penetrating the clear crystal, their reflections creating a golden halo levitating above her head. 

He didn’t know if he should say something or scream it, he wanted to rage, to throw and break things, he wanted to shake that crystal and shout at the top of his lungs, to pound his fists against it, to jolt some sense into Annie, to make her break free of that prison she crystalized around herself.

But he sat as still as Annie, looking at her face, swallowing whatever words he had in his mind and wondered if a day would come where she would actually break out. He hoped she would, so, he stood up, plodded closer to her with a hunched back, and uttered a few words, these words that he made sure to tell her at the end of each visit, “ _ I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but, Annie… now we know everything… you can come out… we can talk…please…” _

Each time, the only response he got was silence.

And this time was no different.

He ascended the stairs, glanced at her one last time, before closing the door behind him.

And Annie was once again left in the agonizing silence.

A bird cooing passed right above her head, anchored her back to reality, to the current day, where she was out of that crystal, and watching the ocean from a ship in the middle of an endless blue.

Annie swivels her head; she sighs.

The serene silence of the ocean is taking over her again, numbing her skin and cutting her breath short, the humid, salty air of the ocean is pressing down on her chest.

She finds herself gripping the railing with a death grip, so tight, the iron bars might dent under the pressure. She releases it and runs her hands over her face; this isn’t the right time to think about the past, it was set in stone, and she can’t alter anything about it.

She wonders if she would change anything if she has the chance to… what would she change? Would she break out from the crystal? Would she think of another plan? Would she kill Armin at that expedition?

A shiver runs down her spine, and she shakes her head.

Annie gazes at the horizon, where the blue sky meets the blue ocean, blending in a line of varying shade of that blue, everywhere she looks is blue, she basically is immersed within  _ blue  _ from every angle.

Everywhere she looks, she sees him.

She sees his eyes, his nose, his hair, and his lips.

And maybe it’s not the right time to think about him either, maybe she should let this go too. What is the point of holding onto thin threads of hope that would break with one blow of the wind?

And she closes her eyes, squeezing them shut, blocking as much light as she can, and even though no one is around her, an imaginary crowd push at her, jostling around her, and she is trying to stand on the tip of her toes, trying to breathe, but it’s getting harder with every passing moment.

She shakes her head, her hands gripping her skull, she’s tired and exhausted and wants these voices to go, to leave her be. The gritting sound of her teeth is echoing in her head, and with a sharp inhale, her head lurches forward, and she empties her stomach over the railing, right into the ocean.

Her eyes sting and her throat burns as she lets out whatever she found edible on that ship, and when her stomach calms down, she steps away from the railing, grimacing at the foul taste of bile in the back of her throat and under her tongue,the stingy smell of it infultrates her nostrils. She tries to not swallow or sniff until she finds a water skin, rinsing her mouth, spitting out the last drops of it.

As she catches her breath, memories of the night before speeds to the front of her mind... Annie was mooching around the ship, aimless, her legs taking her from one corridor to the other, while the ship almost arrived at their destination. The hallways dimly lit by a majestic blue and gray moon light, the hues mix together, casting a layer of crispy coldness into the air, making these vacant hallways occupied with shadows and ghosts.

While everyone was anxious to get the flying boat ready in time, her mind was tenanted by something else entirely, strolling down the lane of old memories…

To the day when she was on a similar ship with the warriors’ unit to commence the operation on paradise.

As her feet took her once again to another random corridor, she wondered how the last time she was on a ship -other than this night- she was only nine or ten.

She pushed open a random door, greeted the creaking sound of it, she stepped into what seemed like a past bedchamber; two bunks aligned to the left with no mattresses, and a closet to the right with a messing door. Dust danced in the light coming from the small circular windows, giving the place a sacred atmosphere.

Her gaze lingered on one of the beds, and she saw herself, nine years old Annie…

Small Annie was in a room on that ship, nine years ago, curled in a ball, sitting atop a bunker that had a suspicious smell with worn out sheets, and even though the sun was glaring in the center of the sky, it was dark, or at least it  _ felt  _ dark, and clamped and the air was dense and it was  _ so goddamn hard to breathe. _ She hugged her knees to her chest, making herself as tiny as possible, but the walls of the room were clamping on her, closing down on her, suffocating her, and she wanted to shrink shrink  _ shrink  _ and be invisible.

A part of her wanted to jump off the ship and swim all the way back to Liberio, to her father, and escape with him to some far away mountains, or maybe if she was born in other circumstances, where she gets to spend the rest of her and father’s lives in peace, with no fighting, no training, no strategies discussed at dinners…

A mere father and his daughter.

But she knew that was impossible and that it was too late for that.

Her hands went up to touch her cheeks, and she was surprised to find herself crying.

She heard the waves crashing into the solid steel construction of the ship, and the vivid imaginations of these waves surrounding her, freezing her, sneaked into her mind, and she was six feet under freezing water, her chest heavy and her lungs filled with salty water, it was real, almost too real. Her breath was erratic and uneven, quick but shallow, and her mind screamed at her to open her eyes, that it was just an  _ imagination,  _ but she refused, because numbness was extracted from her body bit by bit, and she was finally feeling something-

Annie shivered, bringing herself back to reality, to the day where she was older, and she had lost her father, and the world was ending.

And she was yet again roaming the deserted hallways of the ship, her steps hastened and her sight blurry, crossing a corridor after another, with no end in sight, like an endless labyrinth.

She turned around a corner, and right at that moment, a door at the end of the corridor closed. Annie wasn’t fast enough to catch who it was, and she assumed that they didn’t notice her either.

She attentively walked to it, and saw a seam of light from under the door, she tiptoed closer, and when she was close enough, she heard sounds…

The door was cracked open, and Annie heard shuffling from the other side.

Her hand reached for the knob, almost pushing the door open, before she stopped herself. She shook her head and turned around; what was she doing? Prying on someone’s privacy? And why was she even curious?

She walked two steps, before she froze in place.

Annie heard more sounds… but this time they were different…

She retreated back to the room and pressed her ear on the door.

That’s when she was sure she heard it.

Someone in that room was crying.

And the sobs were muffled, as if that someone was trying to tame their cries, to make them inaudible.

She swallowed, the image of her nine years old self silently crying crossed her mind...

She stared at her feet, not knowing what to do.

Then her eyes glanced between the door knob and the very end of the corridor. She knew that the best thing she should do is to leave whoever was in that room alone, the last thing they would want is someone trespassing into their privacy.

But at the same time… she didn’t want to leave them, she wanted to know who they were, who was behind this door breaking into pieces while everyone else was trying to patch up a plan to save what’s left of the world…

The sniffles gradually died down, and soon enough it was silent again, as if no one was sobbing just a second ago.

Before Annie had time to react, the door swung open..

And she found herself face to face with  _ him _ .


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like I said before, I wrote this to comfort myself... and it did help me...  
> I hope it comforts you too

Armin almost crashed into Annie, his red eyes widened when he saw her behind the door. His mind exploded with a dozen questions, the first one was  _ how long has she been standing here? _

Annie opened her mouth to say anything, but her tongue tangled on itself and forgot how to form words, and her body wasn’t responding anymore.

“O-oh Annie,” Armin stuttered, his voice hoarse. He swallowed, “what are you doing here?” he almost bit his tongue when his voice cracked at the end.

“I was just passing by…”

“oh…” Armin cleared his throat, looked down, and saw that Annie’s hand was still stretched out, as if she was reaching for the door’s knob. He stepped aside and nudged his head towards the room and said: “there’s nothing much in this room, but it’s… uh, kinda quiet, if you, you know, want some time alone.”

Annie didn’t answer.

Armin could do anything to avoid turning this into an awkward conversation, so he took a precarious step down the hall: “I think I need to-”

Annie grabbed him from the rim of his sleeve, stopping him, then immediately dropped it. Her head tilting down, finding her feet interesting.

“I… can listen… if you want to…”

Armin was silent for a moment, he wanted to look at Annie's face, but her head was down and all he saw was a mob of golden locks.

He retreated his steps into the room, and opened the door wide for her.

It was dark inside the room. The soft moonlight filtering through the three small, circular windows, with thick metal frames around them. The air was chilly and cold.

Annie scouted the room with her eyes; it was empty, except for a wooden box discarded in the middle. She assumed that it was previously a storage room.

Armin sat on that box, while Annie gazed outside one of the three windows, her arms tangled across her chest.

She watched the quiet waves sway under the moonlight.  _ The night was serene _ .

None knew from where to start, and none seemed to want to start.

But it wasn’t as awkward as Armin thought it might be, and for him, it felt normal, as if he was used to it…

“Why are you so quiet? Cat got your tongue?” Annie sarcastically inquired, contemplating Armin from the corner of her eye.

He chuckled; it sounded weak and forced. He leaned with his elbows on his knees, staring at a spot between his shoes: “What do you want me to say?”

Annie didn’t answer, but she swiveled her head towards him; his back hunched and his shoulders down.

_ Sometimes we should let others heal us, sometimes… we want them to. _

With three strides, Annie was standing in front of him. He looked up, a soft smile on his face, eyes wilted with unspoken burden.

She crouched, then she was the one looking up at him.

The blue moonlight casted on his face, lighting one side of it, intensifying his features, but at the same time softening them. The blue in his eyes was put down, and even though his expression was blank, she could almost hear the thrashing of his thoughts in his mind.

Annie had so much to tell him, but she had no clue from where to start. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything in the first place.

A desire for soothing him swarmed in her chest; she wanted to talk to him, to let him talk to her like he used to for  _ years _ , but this time she would respond, she wouldn’t be just a solid, lifeless rock. She would talk back to him.

She opened her mouth to say something and at the same moment, he did the same. 

Both ended up closing them, not saying a thing.

She tried once again to talk, but the longer their gaze lingered, the more her cheeks heated up. It wasn’t a good time to get nervous or blushy, she needed to use words, for once in her life she wanted to be able to talk openly with someone, no missions to be worried about, no devil to vanquish.

She couldn’t risk stuttering.

Annie lifted her hand up, swallowed, and rested it on his knee. She felt him stiffen underneath her touch, his eyes widened for a second, before they softened again. She rubbed small, mild circles with her thumb, easing his pain, all the while looking in his eyes.

“You know…” he started, and Annie nodded, denoting that she could hear him, that she would respond back to him too, “sometimes… I wonder what it would’ve been like if I… was born somewhere else… you know what I mean?” his question was in a small voice, not sure if he should ask or not.

“Yes, yes I know,” she retorted,  _ you can ask, I’ll answer, I can answer. _

Armin smiled softly, before he continued: “It’s… overwhelming, you know…”

“I know.”

“I just…”

Annie waited, giving him his time, not pressuring him to talk. The hand on his knees was firmer, assuring that she was listening, that she was all ears.

“I don’t know w-what to do… I just…” he didn’t finish his sentence; he turned his head away.

But Annie caught his eyes glistening. Something heavy plummeted to the bottom of her stomach, making her hands frigid, and her breathing quick.

She didn’t know what to do either; she could respond, react, but maybe she couldn’t  _ really  _ do it anyway. Maybe she’s only good at listening, and she should stick to that, and that  _ only _ .

“I’m s-sorry, Annie, I’m not making any sense right now.”

“Don’t say that,”  _ say something more, say something! _

His lips parted, but he halted, before he shook his head and said: “It’s fine, really, we don’t have time for this, we should probably head back-”

The hand on his knee tightened, and he stopped talking, turning his head to her, and-

Her eyebrows were furrowed, she was focused, her eyes not wavering off of him. Armin blinked once, twice, before Annie scooted closer to him, her other hand reaching for his hands on his lap.

She slowly rested his palm onto hers, holding his gaze. His eyes widening when he felt his skin on hers. She rubbed his hand experimentally, the space between her eyebrows unwrinkling, and her touch became more steady.

Then she covered his hands with both hers, enveloping them. His warm hands inundated her cold ones, and she hated how she was gleaning out his warmth; she bit the inside of her cheek in guilt. But he wasn’t pulling back, he accepted her touch with widening eyes and a confused stare.

She eyeballed their hands; both of her hands covering his, his fingers laid relaxed between her own. 

She tried to say something, but couldn’t.

She tilted her head up, she caught Armin already watching her, and with one look at his eyes, somehow, she knew exactly what was going through his mind.

_ you don’t have to say anything _

That’s when she finally realized it…

She nodded, in a way telling him that he can say what he had on his mind, and that she’s here to listen. That was enough.

“I…” Armin tried to say, shaking his head, but Annie’s hand tightened around his, and the next thing he knew, words were flowing from him, “I don’t think I know what I’m doing…”

Annie nodded, slow, prudent.

“I never thought we would reach this point, I don’t know if this is how I want this to end…” he trailed off, his voice weakening.

“What do you mean?” She asked, in a small voice, craning her head to get a glimpse at his face.

He took a deep breath, swallowed, then stammered: “I don’t want to fight him, Annie, I don’t want that.”

Again, he was looking away.

Annie wanted to cup his face, turn it towards her, and look into his eyes, but at the same time she didn’t want to push him too far, she didn’t want to scare him away.

“What if it’s the only choice you have?” She asked.

A beat of silence.

The silence stretched into something longer, long enough to make Annie fight the urge to fidget in her spot.

But then Armin looked up at her, straight into her eyes. Her throat tightened when she saw the tears pooling in the corner of his eyes.

“I know him, at least I think I know him,” his voice cracked, “I know that he will fight back, I  _ know  _ that…” a sob escaped his mouth, and he zipped it closed, not daring to speak another word, uncertain how it would sound like.

Annie held his gaze, a knot traveling from her throat to her chest, like a grip on her throat, choking her, clasping her lungs in a vise-tight hold.

She cushioned Armin’s hands in hers, caressing the skin that looked brand new, but uncountable scars charred it for years, all was gone, the touchable proof of what he went through drifted like sand in the desert. From the first glance, no one would know that he saw things no human should see, tolerated years of pain that no one deserves to go through, that  _ he  _ didn’t deserve to.

Tears silently descended on his cheeks, gathering at the edge of his chin, before dripping onto Annie’s hands.

And then she was wiping away Armin's tears with one hand, then both hands were cupping his cheeks, drawing circles with her thumb, but it wasn’t enough to cease the tears. So she drew closer to him, sitting beside him on the wooden box, close enough to feel his body heat, and her hands rubbing his face, mildly; she barely touched the skin.

He watched her movement in silence. His vision of her blurry, but then her hands would wipe around his eyes, and momentarily he would get a clear view of her, how the moonlight lit her profile, her lips were pressed and her eyes focused, before his eyes blurred again.

Then he was trying to speak, he was saying things that came out too slurred for anyone to understand, but Annie understood him, she knew that he was scared to see his friends get hurt, that Eren might be the one to hurt them. That he was terrified of raising his sword against Eren.

“I-I don’t want to do that, I c-can’t do that, I don’t want to, I really don’t want to…”

Annie stroked his cheeks, his eyebrows, his forehead, then her hands tangled in his hair, brushing it lightly, before traveling back to his cheeks and wipe away more tears. He was shaking, his body quivering in front of her, and she wondered how courageous he was to be vulnerable around someone like her, to expose his emotions around a past  _ enemy _ .

It wasn’t the first time she heard him cry. He cried a few times when he visited her crystal. Back then, she was frozen in midair, unable to move a limb, but now she could touch his fingers, look into his eyes, run her fingers through his hair, respond back to what he’s saying.

There was no barrier between them.

And once Annie realized that, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her frame against his.

He didn’t hug back, and Annie was fine with it. For a moment she contemplated drawing back, but weak, trembling arms wrapped around her, lightly hanging around her body.

She stroked his shoulder’s blade, resting her chin on his shoulder. His heart beating against her,  _ rapidly _ .

The closure washed content over her. She wanted him to feel the same way too, to give back what he was giving her.

So her fingers ran through his short hair, massaging his scalp, and this unlocked something in him; suddenly his arms around her tightened, his head buried in her shoulder, and he didn’t hold back any longer.

Sobs were freely ripping out from his mouth, ricocheting against the rooms’ steel walls. His arms hugged her tighter tighter  _ tighter,  _ and he didn’t want to ever let go.

All the stress of the past few weeks and the years-worth accumulated pain poured into that one moment. A cry after the other; each one held a hurtful story behind it. Each wail loosening a knot in his chest, and removing a brick off his back.

And when her arms around him rubbed circles on his back, he slackened his hold. His eyes stinging, but he didn’t pull back, he merely let his weight lean on her, nuzzling his head in her neck, as his sobs subsided, and his breathing slowed down.

He felt Annie swallow, and he would’ve pulled away, thinking he made her uncomfortable, but her grip on him was so tight, and a selfish side of him didn’t want to let her go anyway.

“It’s unfair,” she said against his ear, and he shivered, “but it’s… it’s gonna be alright.”

Once again, Annie didn’t know what to add, and she wished she didn’t say anything in the first place.

“Yeah…” he answered, closing his eyes, his hands hanging loose around her body, but not letting go.

She swallowed once again, before she whispered something in his ear, that made him stiffen for a moment, before the grip around her tightened, and he buried his face deeper into her neck.

_ Let me heal you too. _

Before they knew it, others were looking for them, and as they stepped outside the room, something had changed within them, deep inside, something shifted, expanded, then shrunk, before it settled, unmoving.

But none spoke about it.

Armin left, as Annie sat on the deck of the harbor, staring at the dark blue water. The stars reflected on it in hazy, disorientated sparks, moving up and down with every small wave, feigning exhales and inhales, as if the ocean was alive and breathing. 

She watched him, as he talked to the engineers, following instructions and giving them. Her eyes tracking his movements, she wasn’t sure if he was aware of her wandering eyes, but if he was aware and pretended as if he wasn't, then he was doing a great job at it.

Annie swallowed, averting her eyes up to the sky,

Her hands entwined on her lap, the cold metal ring pressing against her skin. This ring that was a part of her life for so long, a ring that her father made by his own hands.

A simple, circular metal. A humble ring, that looked harmless.

But when her fingers flick its thorn, and with one scratch… that was when disasters occured.

It was her last memory of her father… this ring that she was planning on never using it ever again...

Footsteps echoed, and Annie didn’t notice them at first, but the footsteps halted a few feet from her.

She glanced to the side, and saw Mikasa.

Annie didn’t feel like inciting any kind of conversation.

But Mikasa seemed to have something on her mind, or so thought Annie.

At first, Mikasa tried to talk Annie into joining their fight, but Annie refused, she had enough of fights, had enough of battles, and had enough of blood being shed.

She had enough of faded scars.

She had only two or three years left before she dies, she wanted to spend them in  _ peace _ .

Annie wasn’t aware that her eyes caught Armin when she mentioned peace,  _ her  _ peace, and when she noticed her act, it was too late.

Mikasa already followed her eyes, and figured out who Annie was gazing at.

Fire was lit in Annie’s cheeks. She wanted to vanish, right there and then. She wasn’t trying to be  _ that  _ obvious, and she blamed Mikasa for having a sharp mind. She wrapped one arm around herself, hiding from Mikasa’s confused face. If it was a different circumstance, Annie would’ve probably laughed at Mikasa’s funny expression.

“When did this start?” Mikasa started, and Annie tensed.

“What?” Annie retorted, not looking at Mikasa.

“...no, okay…” Annie could no longer feel Mikasa’s eyes on her, and for a second, she thought that Mikasa finally decided to leave her alone, but Mikasa continued: “I get it…”

Annie’s wrapped-arm tightened around herself, her jaw clenching, “When’d what start?!” even though she tended for her tone to be nonchalant, it came out incensed. She wished she could take it back.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to keep suffering,” Mikasa ignored Annie’s question.

Annie’s curious eyes peeked at Mikasa, as her arm loosened and she held it against her chest, gazing perplexedly at Mikasa’s calm, uncharastically-dreamy expression.

“But Armin’s coming with us on the flying boat,” Mikasa added, and Annie’s jaw, for some reason, relaxed for a fleeting second, maybe she was relieved that someone understood her, or maybe she was glad that Mikasa wasn’t going to ask her anymore questions, “we’re all heading to where Eren is.”

A beat of silence tranpassed between the two girls, before Annie turned her head to look back into the bottomless, mirror-like water.

The silence was punctuated with distanced voices of others preparing the flying boat, the quiet waves of the ocean harmonizing with them.

Annie took a deep breath.

“...I know,” Annie did know, she was well aware that this might be the last hours of being in the same place as him, and she knew that she can’t stop him; no one could. She conceded to brush away that thought, inquiring about the first thing that came to her mind: “so… what is it you want to do? Are you going to kill Eren in order to save humanity?”

“I’m not killing him…” Mikasa started to walk away from Annie, and Annie felt how heavy Mikasa's steps were, the burden on her shoulders pinning her to the ground, but she stood tall, her chin up, “Eren’s somewhere far away from us now, all I’m doing… is bringing him back…”

Mikasa stopped in her tracks, as if waiting for Annie to throw a comment or two at how lame her wording was, or at how far fetched that goal seemed to be, but Annie didn’t. Whether she decided to ignore it or not, Mikasa couldn’t decide, but Annie did ask about something else: “By the way, do you not wear that scarf any longer?”

Mikasa swallowed and counted to three in her mind, before she started walking again, and without looking back, she answered Annie’s question: “I have it… but I’m not wearing it right now.”

And with that, Mikasa left Annie to her thoughts, undaring to look back at her; there was nothing more to add anyway.

Mikasa walked to where the others were, everyone in a blurry rush fetching tools or discussing engineering stuff that Mikasa wasn’t exactly an expert at. Armin was the center of the conversation, commanding this and that, writing on paper before rushing to Hange, his hands flailing as he talked.

The proud-sister tumor inflated in Mikasa’s chest, even though it probably wasn’t the right time for it. She was proud of him, he learnt all that he knows now in the few years they were opened up to the rest of the world. He did deserve the knowledge because he worked hard for it, restless nights and tiring mornings.

Mikasa couldn’t help but think how things would’ve been if Armin wasn’t a soldier. He would probably be a well respected engineer or doctor, or maybe both. He would’ve published several books before he turned thirty, and he might’ve also settled down with a wife and had children…

It wasn’t foriegn for soldiers to dream about a perfect, happy life, away from ammunation and explosions, far from gun clickes and blood. They were all just dreams after all, and nothing is wrong with concocting these scenarios.

Armin was no different, he surely had his own dreams, had his own fantasies of creating a family, to spend the rest of his life with someone, in peace… but what makes Armin different is that he already found that someone, and that someone found him too.

It made sense, Mikasa thought, Armin did vanish sometimes without warning, and when he came back he wouldn’t tell where he had been, or he would try some lame lie that Mikasa would easily see through. She never pushed him to confess.

But now she knew.

He was in a dim-lit basement, surrounded by cold, mute walls, as he watched a girl, for hours on end.

The look in Annie’s eyes flashed at the front of Mikasa’s mind; the fondness, the dreamy-gaze, and something else swarming her blue eyes, a storm twirling inside her that was going to overflow out her eyes, pouring into similar blue eyes, with an identical storm behind blue orbs.

Unexplainable sensations flurried in Mikasa’s chest, she couldn’t pinpoint if they were pity or guilt, maybe it was a mix of both.

Armin, out of all people, who would’ve thought that he would have something for Annie? The girl he ratted out four years ago? Maybe Mikasa shouldn’t be as surprised as she was; something was majestic yet bewildering about these two.

Annie and Armin…

A match made in heaven, or hell, she couldn’t tell.

Mikasa deposited the equipment she was carrying in their designated place, before she turned around to look at Armin once again; he was in mid discussion with Reiner and an engineer standing beside them -she deemed that he was giving some sort of instructions for Reiner while using aid from that engineer- before they nodded at each other and separated paths, Reiner joining Jean and the rest, and that Engineer hurrying to write something down.

While Armin stood there for a second longer, glancing at the girl sitting by the water.

And Mikasa wanted to wipe off that expression on his face; a mixture of sadness, hopelessness, and straight up sickness in love. 

She looked back and forth between Armin and Annie, as if her glances alone would create a magnetic field between them and draw them together. She was determined to make it happen.

There was no guarantee what this night would lead them to, and Mikasa didn’t want Armin to live in regret. She wanted him to let out whatever he had in his mind, talk to Annie, and maybe spend a few minutes with her.

Maybe it wasn’t the best time for it, but there was a high chance that it was their last opportunity too.

Mikasa glanced one more time between them, before she walked up to Armin and put an arm on his shoulder: “Armin… I think you should see something…” 

Mikasa beckoned Armin away from the harbor, ignoring the fact that his cheeks were tinted with the slightest hue of pink. And with a questioning yet concerned look, Armin followed along Mikasa, unaware of her shooting a glance at Annie, accompanied with a wink.

They walked away from the plane and the others, and Armin didn’t complain or question it, because if Mikasa said there was something urgent, then he must follow up with her, even if she was taking him away from the task he was supposed to be involved in. One eye on the path in front of him, and the other one glancing at the blonde behind his back.

He kept glancing back at that girl’s figure, but she wasn’t looking back at him.

He turned his head, and watched his feet drag him behind Mikasa.

On their left was the ocean, a reflective mirror of the stars-adorned sky. On their right was a row of alleys divided by vacant buildings. Each alley a portal to an unpredictable darkness, an endless black that seemed to stretch on and on.

“There’s something that I think you should probably see, it’s… uh, important” Mikasa said after they had been walking for a few minutes. The flying boat was as big as a melon from their place, and Armin kept looking at it over his shoulder, as if the flying boat and everyone else could disappear at any second.

“Uh… Mikasa is everything ok?”

“Not really.”

“Oh…” Armin eyed his feet, “can you… tell me?”

“No.”

Armin was silent for a second. They don’t have any spare time to waste, and Mikasa is one step ahead of him, her feet steady and not hesitant. 

“I will not tell you,” Mikasa said, as she suddenly stopped, she swieveled her head to the right, staring down at a dark, abandoned alley, a swift smile pulled on her lips, “I will show you.”

She stepped into the alley, diving into it, until her dark silhouette was one with the darkness. The line of her black silky hair blending with dark-shadowed bricks of the narrow place.

Armin stood a bit longer outside, a sudden rush of loneliness sneaked into his veins, and he wasn’t sure what was going on, or what was yet to come. He glanced one more time at the flying boat, then beside it, only to notice that the small figure that he was watching earlier was nowhere to be seen. Armin sighed, straightened his shoulders, before he walked into the alley, his petite frame plunged into darkness.

A few alleys behind, a nervous girl was leaning against the wall, her heart racing in her chest; not only because she was sprinting just a second ago, but also because she didn’t believe that she was doing this.

She rubbed her head through her blond locks, trying to calm down her breathing. She wasn’t supposed to be nervous, there was nothing to be nervous about.

Yeah, there was nothing to be nervous about.

Inhale

Exhale 

She took one step towards the exit of the alley, but halted when she heard voices.

“Mikasa.... It’s been some time, are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

A beat of silence.

“Five more minutes.”

_ A very loud sigh. _

“Mikasa we don’t have time…”

Annie swallowed, the sound of her gulping so loud, it deafened the ambiance.

She took a deep breath, not any longer sure if this was a good or a bad idea… she could just turn around and leave, and once Mikasa waits for too long, she’ll leave with Armin, make up some excuse, and that would be it…

A Hint of guilt weighed down at the bit of her stomach; Mikasa did all of this for her, despite it being too sudden and not discussed before, but that wink that Mikasa threw at Annie was enough explanation for Annie on what to do. 

She can’t do this, she doesn’t want to do this. After some thought, she decided that she’ll hide in this alley until Mikasa and Armin leave. She took two heavy steps deeper into the alley, encompassing herself within pitchblack darkness-

She heard sounds.

“Armin, I know, it’s ok…”

“Mikasa…?”

“I know it… it’s just…”

Annie heard shuffling, then footsteps, before Armin’s voice was heard once again.

“Hey hey Mikasa where are you going?”

“You just stay there for five more minutes, if nothing happens, get back to the flying boat.”

“Hey! You can’t just leave like that!”

Annie heard footsteps trying to catch up, then right at the exit of the alley, she saw Mikasa.

“Mikasa wait,” Armin’s voice rose again, and this time it was much more closer than before, and Annie instinctively tiptoed further down the alley, before she pushed her back against the wall.

“Wait, Mikasa.”

Annie watched as a hand held Mikasa from her wrist, halting her. Mikasa looked around, her glance towards Annie lingered a bit longer, even though Annie was sure she was immersed in the darkness and couldn’t be seen, but she still held her breath, and felt so stupid for doing so.

“Armin, trust me,” Mikasa said, a beat of stillness followed, before Armin let go of her, and retreated his steps. Mikasa glanced one last time at where Annie was hiding, before hastily rushing back to the flying boat.

Annie heard Armin sigh, then the echo of his steps as he walked back to the alley Mikasa told him to stay in.

Once his footsteps were out of earshot, Annie let out a breath that almost suffocated her lungs, and once again she was left in silence.

Annie slanted back against the brick wall, the jagged stone digging into her skin, her jaw clenching and her teeth gritting. She closed her eyes, tried to take a deep breath, but air was blocked halfway through her windpipe. She gave up on relaxing her nerves, so she opened her eyes, and stared at the far, dark sky, lit with those mesmerizing, marginal lights, twinkling on and off in harmony. 

Armin had his hands in his pockets, for the night was growing strangely cold, and he kept shifting his weight from one feet to the other, clicking his tongue, and trying to make these five minutes pass faster.

But they were going slow.

Excruciatingly slow.

After one minute, Armin debated the idea whether he should leave already. Nothing was happening, and probably nothing would.

But then, it got to his mind, that… well, if nothing was happening, and he had to spend these five minutes here anyway, then why shouldn’t he… maybe take them as a break…

_ But you don’t have time to waste. _

Just five minutes and I’ll go back to them.

_ You could do many things in those five minutes. _

Yes but I also can take a break.

_ You’re not taking a break. _

I am! 

_ No, you’re overthinking, that’s not how breaks work. _

But-

_ Just go back to work. _

Armin sighed, kicked the heel of his foot at the wall, before he pushed himself off of it, and walked to the exit of the alley. However, something unexplainable made him stop, and some sort of an interior calling made him tilt his head up, his eyes gazing at the sky.

For a second, all the thoughts that were swarming his mind departed, and he was left alone in what felt like an endless moment of silence, an undisturbed stillness that he could get used to, with nothing to be worried about, with nothing crowding his head.

He found that, after all, he wanted to spend those five minutes -or whatever was left of them- in this stillness.

And he did, just looking up, gazing at each star for some time, before another star glistened brighter and caught his eye.

He didn’t connect shapes out of the stars’ order, nor did he think of anything. Strangely, he found each star to be an individual. Each one has its own space and its own way of shining, not more or less glamorous but just  _ different _ .

And even when he tried to connect these together, he just couldn’t, each diamond was a thing of its own, and Armin found an incomprehensible satisfaction in it.

And the five minutes passed faster than he would like.

Armin realized that it was enough.

He started walking to the exit of the alley. A tiny bit of weight was left off his shoulders, and with every breath he took, his lungs were filled and the blood in his veins was pumping with renewed hope into his body.

This time, nothing was holding him back from going back to his task.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

And the moment he stepped foot outside the alley, he was startled to find out that he wasn’t alone.

“...Annie?”

~~~~~

A minute earlier, when Annie was debating whether or not she should go on with this unforeseen ‘plan’, she would’ve been grateful if the darkness swallowed her whole, just one big bite, vanishing from this world.

But she found her feet taking her to where Armin was, her mind detached from her body, and her legs grew their own set of brains, walking on their own.

The coldness of the night crawling under her skin, sending shivers down to the tips of her toes.

And after a suffocated exhale left her lungs, she was face to face with him.

The chilly, crisp night froze her in the spot. Her legs’ brains evaporated into nothing, and her mind took control, but it only screamed at her, telling her that she was an idiot for doing this, it was pointless and embarrassing and awkward-

“Armin,” she blurted his name out, barely recognizing her own voice.

“Yes, Annie,”

She was jealous of how steady his voice was, even though she emerged from the unexpected, but he was still composed, and she couldn’t help but think how their roles were switched at this moment; the flustered is galant, and the prosaic is fidgety.

“I… uh…” Annie was searching for anything to say, literally  _ anything _ , but when she noticed the way the stars were reflected in his eyes, it was identical to when she was watching their reflection in the ocean, endless,  _ limitless _ .

Armin tilted his head, beckoning her to continue, and all she got out was “do you have a moment?”

Armin looked right and left, as if he was checking if Annie was alone or not, but Annie misinterpreted that he was in a rush and was searching for an excuse to reject her question. Out of defence, she took a step back and held a hand against her chest: “It’s ok nevermind you’re obviously busy, nevermind really, I’m sorry, I’ll just head back-”

“Annie,” Armin reached out for her hand, letting the tips of his fingers touch it, not strong enough to hold it, but enough to catch her attention, “yes, I do have a moment.”

Annie’s eyes widened, and involuntary, her hand flinched away from his, and she immediately regretted it when a flash of disappointment and bewilderment crossed Armin’s face. She didn’t understand why she had such a reaction, however, Armin smiled, half a smile, but still a smile nonetheless, and asked what she was doing here.

“I was looking for you.”

Armin wondered Annie’s face, and for a fleeting second, he wanted to ask how she, out of all places, came to look for him  _ there _ , but the way Annie was avoiding his eyes made him stop. Instead, he said: “Yeah, I mean…”  _ What was he trying to say? _

“I just wanted to, um, tell you something,” Annie continued, not waiting for Armin to finish his thought. He was still for a second, but that second stretched into a longer pause.

Annie shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her arms crossing, rubbing up and down her biceps, before she cleared her throat and said, shaking her head: “You know you really don’t have to wait any longer,” she took a step backwards, “I’m sorry, I won’t hold you back any longer-”

“No no wait!” Armin reached for her for the second time, and he cursed himself for making this awkward for both of them, his hand froze mid way, stretching to touch her wrist, “I think I need a word with you too.”

A beat of silence.

Annie let her hand fall by her side. She opened her mouth to say something, but she ended up only nodding her head twice.

And then, both of them were leaning against the building, watching the dark horizon, and a bright, fluorescent spot of luminous light far from them, where the others were in the midst of getting the flying boat ready. Annie’s hand crossing her chest, and Armin’s were in his pockets.

Armin realized that Annie won’t start any kind of conversation, so he kicked the heel of his foot once against the wall, before he cleared his throat, glanced at Annie and started: “I’m sorry.”

Annie swiveled her head towards him, her eyebrows furrowed, uncertain if she heard correctly. She tilted her head questionably to the side.

“Um…” Armin licked his lips, “about earlier, in the storage room, I was… somewhat… all over the place.”

Annie’s mouth shaped in an O, recalling what he was talking about. She blinked once, twice, before she said: “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Armin chuckled and scratched the nape of his neck: “Well, I just… I thought I probably should.”

Annie hummed, not knowing how to respond to that, and her mind already at the next destination; to commence what she was here for in the first place. She took in a silent, shaky breath: “Armin.”

In response, Armin looked at her.

And she was, again, under the spell of his eyes, his blue eyes, that were a darker shade of blue in the darkness of the night. A part of her wondered if he was aware of what his eyes do to her, how they hypnotized her in an endless loop, a trance that she was cloistered within.

She wasn’t aware that he was as lost in her eyes as she was in his.

Annie looked to the side, breaking the spell, a cold wave washing over her chest, as if calling out Armin’s name drained her of all the courage that she had a minute ago, she inhaled, exhaled, and decided to just get over with it.

“I’m not coming with you.” She said.

Silence. 

“I don’t wanna fight, I don’t want to go on the flying boat.”

“Oh..” Armin couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice, he was, in fact, counting on her; Annie was irreplaceable.

“It’s… it’s not what you’re thinking,” Annie looked at him, “it’s not that I don’t believe in the plan, there are no other plans anyway, but... it’s me, I’ve had enough of fighting.”

“Annie…”

“And I’m sick of doing this, and I can’t find a reason to shed blood anymore,”

“Annie.”

“And I don’t know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I just…”

Armin put his hand on her shoulders, and Annie’s breath caught in her throat. For a split second, she forgot what she was saying, before she shook her head and caught back on from where she left: “I want to live the rest of my life in peace.”

She watched his face, waiting for him to leave, to walk away and leave her alone by herself, to tell her that she chickened out at the last moment, that she disappointed him.

But he didn’t.

He put his other hand on her shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes, and with a sad smile in his voice, he said: “You don’t have to explain yourself, it’s fine, I understand,” his hand traveled from her shoulder, up until it caressed her cheeks.

And Annie didn’t flinch back, nor did she react in any way. Time and space stopped, and she was suspended mid air, warm wind thrashing all over her body. She glanced at his hands, wondering how this simple gesture made heat tingle her skin, and she was warm  _ warm _ .

Annie sighed, her shoulders slumped, and not until then did she realize the tension that was pressing between her shoulders and her tensed neck.

“I wish I could not fight either,” Armin’s hands dropped, and he glanced at his feet, before he turned his eyes back to her, “I really wish so, but… I have no choice, my case is… different than yours.”

Annie eyed Armin’s face, his eyes dropping down at the corners, maybe he was tired, but most likely thinking of how he’s gonna face Eren with Mikasa and the others drained him of energy. She wondered if he was going to break down again, and imagined herself holding his weight within her arms again, running her fingers through his hair, and telling him that everything will be ok, that it will all be over soon.

_ Lies lies lies. _

But they sounded good enough that they would believe them.

Annie swallowed, before she took a step closer to Armin.

He tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows barely rising, but then warmth engulfed Armin’s hand, and when he looked down, he saw Annie’s fingers holding his, her grip around his palm is firm yet soft, and he kept observing her, until he felt something warm slip around his finger.

His eyelids flickered in confused blinks. He locked wide eyes with Annie’s soft ones, whose eyebrows were furrowed together, her cheeks red even in the dark of the night, a strand of hair curtaining her forehead.

Annie let go of Armin’s hand, and he lift it up to sight’s level-

A shiny, silver ring was on his finger.

Armin flipped his hand over and over, inspecting the ring skeptically. His brain was suddenly clogged with thoughts and he was no longer sure what just happened.

“It’s,,, not much,” Annie said, her eyes at the ground, watching her feet and Armin’s, “but since I’m no longer fighting… you will need it more than I do.”

Armin's mouth opened and closed several times, before he took off the ring - Annie’s infamous ring- and held it on his palm as if it was fragile glass, he frantically said: “Annie no, I mean thanks but no, this is something from your father, it could be the only thing… I can’t take it, I can’t.”

“Can’t you just shut up for a second!” Annie bursted and Armin’s eyes widened, because her face was even redder than a second before, and her fists were clenched by her side and… 

“I know, ok? I KNOW, I know this ring is… it means a lot to me, it has done many things… and I just… I…” 

And Armin stood there, watching as Annie was trying to combine two words together to make a sentence, but failing again and again and again, and Armin, through her intangible tirade, understood what she’s trying to say; she wanted to contribute in some way. She’s not completely forgiving herself to leave them behind…

Annie was still looking down, so he put a finger under her chin, tilting it up, and without thinking about it, he leaned closer, his eyelids fluttering closed, until he felt the warmth of her lips on his, soft and tightly closed together. He lingered for a second, before he pulled away, his eyes opening, meeting her vastly-opened ones.

“I get what you mean,” he whispered, his mind still not catching up on the fact that he just kissed Annie, and that he probably fucked up because she was frozen in her place, “Annie, I get what you mean…” and he leaned forward again, his forehead resting against hers. He heard Annie’s sharp inhale, and a marginal part at the back of his mind was shocked at how he himself was this…  _ something _ .

Just a few hours ago, his face was flaming hot when he told her that he _ just wanted to see her _ …

“Annie…” he whispered her name, and his own voice sounded like it was miles away, but close and deafening loud at the same time. He felt as if he was soaring up with the clouds or maybe a hundred feet under water.

Annie swallowed, her mind fuzzy and her breath erratic. She couldn’t decide if Armin actually just kissed her. His lips felt like a feather against hers, and her stomach did flips and her skin was on fire, and she hated that all of this was because of a kiss, just  _ one simple kiss _ .

She watched Armin’s eyes, only inches away from her own, his eyelids half lidded and he seemed as if he was in a trance. She liked the warmth from his forehead touching hers, his breath warm on her face. She rubbed their foreheads together, a smile pulled on his lips.

She found herself mirroring that smile.

Her heart was calming down in her chest, blood was flooding back to her legs and she felt like she could finally move, so she reached for Armin’s hand, and took the ring, slipping it once again on his finger, her movement indicating finality, and that everything was settled, Armin was not leaving without her ring, he was leaving with a piece of herself.

Armin smiled at the ring on his finger, and for some reason, it was satisfying to see it around his finger, he couldn’t pinpoint exactly why, but it was pleasing. He looked again at Annie, and in that moment, he realized something deep down inside him, something that he couldn’t find in anyone but Annie, something she was the  _ only  _ one who could make him feel.

And he leaned once again, meeting Annie’s lips in the middle.

His arms around her frame, and her hands on his shoulders, their embrace is getting tighter, their lips moving together. Shy, inexperienced pecks, their jaws moving in sync, lips connecting over and over and over again.

Each kiss ignited a candle in them, sending shivers rolling on their skin. Experiencing something new, exciting, but timid and intimate.

The sheepish kisses grew bolder.

Armin’s hand on Annie’s back started to roam, and her toes curled in her leather shoes, heat igniting in her chest. Something was bubbling in her stomach, a pleasing sense of bubbling, and she only kissed him harder, her kisses becoming short but harsh. He was taken aback first, but then returned her actions with similar passion. Her hand tracing his neck, up and down, until they tangled in his hair, while the other hand wandered to his cheek, cupping it gently, contrasting her bruising kisses.

Her fingers left fire in their trail, and his skin was hot and warm and he needed to take a breath but couldn’t pull himself back, away from her, away from her embrace, away from this feeling.

And it was her, she was the one who made him feel this way. He didn’t understand why, he didn’t get how a human could make another human  _ feel  _ this kind of way, that everything is gonna be alright, gives each other a reason to be alive. He wondered if he was made just to be in this moment, that his purpose of living is to be here, in her arms, with his frame pressed against her, feeling every curve and dip of her body against his own.

Both fitting each other perfectly, like two right pieces of a puzzle.

And soon they found themselves sneaking into the alleyway, far from any scrutinizing eyes, just him and her, focused on each other, hands running over each other's bodies, touching whatever they can with clothes as a barrier between them.

The narrow place was getting hotter, unbearably warm.

In that moment, even if it was a bubble of unrealistic-wishes, they felt like they were normal teenagers. Just a girl and a boy in love and doing what teenagers do. It was a desire that they longed for, but it was so far from their reach.

Armin pulled away with a gasp, his embrace around Annie tighter. He traced kisses along Annie’s jaw, then he dipped his head, and placed kisses on her neck.

She tugged at his hair, pulling their bodies even closer. Her mouth opened in a silent moan, as he nipped at her skin.

She wished she could stay here forever, only this moment, him and her, tangled together.

Armin wondered how things would’ve been if Annie didn’t crystalize herself for four years.

He wondered how things would’ve been if he didn’t tell on Annie, was it impossible if he found another way to solve that? Any other way? 

Armin didn’t blame Annie for betraying them, because she didn’t, she was never on their side to betray them from the first place.

She just wanted to go back home to her father, to compensate for all those lost years and live a normal life. And if Armin’s grandpa was still alive, Armin knew that he could do the impossible to be with him, to live the rest of his life in happiness with him.

“Armin…” she whispered his name, his hands and lips stopped their movements, and he opened his eyes.

Her hands reached for his cheeks, rubbing them, before she whispered, her voice out of breath: “Why are you crying?” 

At first Armin didn’t understand what she was referring to, not until his eyes got blurry. His hands wiped at his eyes; they were wet.

He stared confused at his hand, he didn’t know when he started crying, but after he was aware of it, his throat tightened, and more tears spilled from his eyes, however, no sounds left his mouth.

When he looked back at Annie, she had tears in her eyes too…

His hand wiped her tears, and she did the same to him.

Maybe they realized that this all was for  _ nothing _ .

That it was already too late…

Their future in the next few hours was uncertain, and no one knew the end of it, or if it would end in the first place.

Annie’s chest tightened on her lungs, she was losing her breath, her exhales coming out as erratic blows of air, her eyes stinging, and she cursed herself, for this one moment, this one moment of peace had to be ruined by an avalanche of hopelessness, leaving her cold. She held Armin’s shoulders, and tried to clear her blurry sight, to look at his face, and memorize it forever, engrave it on her mind, so it stays in her memory for the rest of her days.

And he was doing the same, he brushed hair out of her face, and he wished he could always remember how soft it felt between his fingers, like a piece of the clouds, or at least this is what he imagined. Her eyes so blue like an ocean under the afternoon’s sun.

He wanted to wipe away that sad pout she had on her face, because he didn’t want this one special moment to go to waste, so he leaned down and kissed the pout away, a gentle kiss, long enough until he felt her lips relax against his and her arms once again wrapping around his neck.

Then Armin pulled away, looked in her eyes, before he whispered: “Thank you, Annie.”

“You better take care of the ring, and you better bring it back.”

He threw his head back and chuckled, then he cupped her cheeks, and said once again, this time his voice is clear and firm: “Thank you, Annie.”

Annie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Thank you,” he kissed her eyebrows, “for,” then kissed her nose, “not,” a kiss on her cheek, “giving up,” and he ended his route with a kiss on her forehead.

Annie stood there, looking in Armin’s blue eyes, perplexed, not knowing how to react or what to say, her cheeks were heating up, and she would appreciate cold water to be splashed at her face.

So she wrapped her arms around Armin, and buried her face in his neck, as his hands wrapped around her frame. They stood in each other’s embrace, wishing that they could stay like that forever, but eventually, they had to let go, and Armin had to head back.

With one final kiss, they were separated from each other.

Annie watched him walk away, every few steps he would glance back at her, with a sad smile on his face, before he turned to look at her one last time, he waved, then turned and kept walking, not glancing back anymore.

Annie was glad no one was around her, she certainly didn’t like to be seen while she was crying.

She watched the blurry reflection of the stars in the ocean, and closed her eyes. She wanted to sleep and wake up when all of this was over, but that was impossible, and if she wanted to be over with it, then she had to go through it, with all its pain and beauty, with all its ups and downs, she had to go through it, to fight through it, to get her peaceful life, the life she always longed for.

Annie ran her finger over where the ring used to be. Despite the tears, a small smile pulled at her lips, as she felt the smooth skin of her finger instead of a steel circular metal, her smile growing wider as she pictured that ring on Armin’s finger.

And at the flying boat, where everyone was rushing with tools and equipment, sometimes Armin would find himself staring at the ring, recalling Annie’s soft touch on his hand, his lips on hers, then when he’s awaken from his daydreaming, he would frantically look around as if he was caught red handed, to find that the only one who noticed his little blackout was no other than Mikasa, with a small smile on her face.

He would look away and busy himself with anything.

Soon afterwards, the sun creeped from behind the ocean, coloring the water with soft streaks of orange and pink, the sky was clear with no clouds, and it was a peaceful day so far, unfair to be this serene for what was yet to come.

And when everything was ready, and it was decided that Annie wouldn’t go along with them, she was trying so hard to avoid any sort of emotional moment with Armin, she wasn’t ready to let him go, but that didn’t matter, because he was leaving anyway.

So, she waved goodbye to everyone, her eyes lingering on Armin for a long second, his eyes weren’t shiny as they used to be. She ignored the feelings that started to inflate in her chest, turning away, walking as fast as she could from all of that.

And now she is leaning against the railing of the ship, seagulls cooing over her head, the blue sky adorned with spontaneous puffs of white cloud.

_ Peace... _

She traced her ring finger, as she observes the ocean and the sky, wondering if he was still alive, wondering if he’ll keep his promise and come back with her ring…

And Annie waits.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed this!!  
>  I kinda projected my life into this fic… I mean, the past year wasn’t the best, and life isn’t going easy on me, and… it’s something that I kinda struggle with, which is opening up to others.  
> Idk why, but I can’t just talk to others about what’s actually troubling me, most likely because I feel they won’t understand anyway, and another part of me doesn’t wanna annoy anyone. I don’t wanna bother, I don’t wanna complain.  
> And I kept all of that in me until I exploded a few weeks ago, I didn’t leave my bed for weeks, feeling like everything I do is worthless, and that there’s no point in trying.  
> Suddenly I’m no longer doing any hobbies, I’m no longer reading or writing, and everything is so gloomy and I can’t enjoy anything…  
> And… I’m certainly doing better now, I’m back at writing (not as much as I’d like, but better than nothing) and I’m reading again…  
> I didn’t open up to anyone, and I kept it all inside.  
> And that was wrong, I wished I talked to someone, anyone, but I didn’t…   
> This rant is getting too long, it’s 5am and I don’t even know what I’m saying…  
> BUT  
> I just wanna say… you guys should take care of yourselves, please, find someone that you can talk to, someone you can open up to, and trust me, everything would be much more easier.  
> These are hard times and it’s unfair that we have to go through all of this, but… we’re stronger than this, and we’ll continue, and we’ll tell tales of how we survived a very hard time and that we were victorious.  
> It’s not easy, I know, but we can manage.  
> Ok that’s it… I usually don’t share personal feelings on any social media but I realized that a lot of people are going through exactly what I’m struggling with… and I wanted them to know that they’re not alone.  
> Thank you guys so much for reading, I appreciate it  
> OH AND ONE LAST THING   
> I was thinking about taking requests, just so I can get back at writing, soooo if you guys have any ideas or prompts, please leave them in the comments or ask me on tumblr   
> I WOULD LOVE TO  
> OK THAT’S IT LOVELIES  
> HAVE A GOOD DAAAYY

**Author's Note:**

> well, I hope you enjoyed this!  
> I started writing this story a few months ago in an attempt to cope with stress, but I couldn't get to finish it until now...  
> I don't think it turned out good enough, but I kinda just wanted to post it because editing it is becoming exhausting and it's taking away the joy from it...  
> again, thank you so much Prisi, Elena, Ksgrip, you really have no idea how much I appreciate your help, you guys are the reason I was motivated to write and post this, so thank you so much  
> chapter 2 is done, I just gotta edit bits of it, hopefully I'll update it soon  
> anywaayy  
> feedback is always appreciated, whether it was here or on tumblr!  
> stay safe and take care of yourselves!


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